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I'd like to try dating women after only ever dating men. As someone in her thirties who has no experience with this, how much disclosure is necessary to put in an online profile—should I say I’m inexperienced? I’m worried about being misleading otherwise.—J.E., 31, Philadelphia
“I struggled with this when I was first coming out. I felt like a fraud until I realized I had just as much right to be in the LGBTQ space as someone who’s been out longer—and you do too. Include that you haven’t dated women before only if you’re comfortable with it. Don’t put the perceived needs of the invisible person looking at your profile before your own. After all, if you were looking to meet a man, you wouldn’t feel the need to disclose how many guys you’ve dated or when you lost your virginity. These things will come up organically.”
—Lauren Morelli, writer for Orange Is the New Black
“There’s a benefit to saying, ‘I’m pretty new to dating women.’ Not because it’s a lie if you don’t, but because you’re more likely to find someone else who is just starting to do the same. Also, from what I’ve observed, it’s actually very common for women to realize that they would like to date other women later than their early twenties—so don’t worry. It’s not going to be as shocking to people as you think.”
—Riese Bernard, editor-in-chief of the queer-community site Autostraddle
“Think about what you would want to know from someone in the same situation, and go from there. A lot of daters are a little cagey about disclosing personal information online, but our data shows that the more you put yourself out there, the more high-quality people you’ll meet. If you aren’t totally comfortable with that, try different approaches: Start with less disclosure, see how that goes, and then increase what you share.”
—Eric Kim, senior product manager at OkCupid
“Everyone is misleading on dating sites, because everyone shares only the good things about themselves and none of the messier stuff. I imagine your real fear is that you’ll be judged for having no experience. Whether they read that in your profile or hear about it on your first or second date (which is a fine time to bring it up), what matters is how you feel about it. Spend more time getting right with you rather than worrying about when to tell someone else.”
—Lindsay Chrisler, dating and relationship coach in New York City
This article originally appeared in the June 2017 issue of Glamour magazine.
